5. ENTERING MARRIAGE

A wedding is a beautiful event in the life of a man and a woman. Since the beginning God intended marriage to be just this. Like any of God's creation, however, marriage just didn't hap­pen. It was planned. "To the lonely Adam, God presented a lovely, new human creature called woman. In wonder and awe they looked at each other and took each other by the hand. Then God gave them their official commission. 'You shall be two in one flesh. In­crease and multiply,' He commanded, 'fill the earth and rule over it.''"

To make sure that weddings will always remain beautiful and happy events in the lives of human beings, a number of things have to be planned out beforehand by the intended bride and groom.

Consult With the Pastor

The first thing to remember is that a Catholic marriage is a sacrament and therefore it is absolutely necessary for the engaged couple to consult their pastors. While either pastor can validly officiate at a wedding, it is customarily the pastor of the bride who witnesses the marriage. If only one of the parties is Catholic, the marriage takes place in that person's parish.

When Should This Visit to the Priest Be Made?

Just as soon as both parties have agreed to definite plans of marriage they should consult the respective pastors. This is necessary so that a definite date and hour of one's wedding Mass can be scheduled. This should be done at least two months before the time of the contemplated marriage if both parties are Catholic. When one party is not a Catholic, three months should be allowed so that the necessary premarital instructions can be conveniently given. An appointment with one's parish priest may be arranged by telephone. This visit with one's pastor should be done before printing wedding invitations or making any definite commitments; otherwise, there may be disappointment and embarrassment.

Premarital instructions are given to engaged couples to instruct them in the Church's teachings on mar­riage and assure their well-being and happiness.

John Ahlhauser

Why Is So Much Advance Notice Required?

A few months of advance notice to one's pastor is necessary because the formalities — paperwork — have greatly increased in recent years. In all dioceses today those who have spent some time in the service or who have changed their residence since the age of twelve (for girls) or fourteen (for boys) must produce two witnesses who have known them since that age who can testify that they are free to marry. This is not always as easy as it appears. Furthermore, the couple must produce fresh baptismal certificates, dated within the past six months, together with First Holy Com­munion and Confirmation certificates, as well as discharge papers if either or both have been in the service. These documents fre­quently require some time to trace down and obtain.

Besides the above information, should one of the parties be a non-Catholic it will be necessary for him to take instructions in the Catholic Faith. In most dioceses today the average number of instructions varies between twelve and twenty-four. They are given on the average of two per week.

Furthermore, shortly before the day of marriage itself, it is nec­essary for both the future bride and groom to answer under oath in the presence of a priest the following or similar questionnaire.

The bride (or bridegroom) must be interrogated separately by the priest who records the answers given under oath.

1. Do you believe in the sanctity of an oath? Do you realize the gravity of perjury and its serious consequences?
   
   
2. (Touching the Holy Gospels) Do you solemnly swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth in answering all the following questions?
   
   
3. Name? Address? Date and place of birth? Profession or occupation?
   
   
4. Father's name? Mother's maiden name? Father's religion? Mother's religion?
   
   
5. Were you ever baptized? In what religion? When and where? What religion do you practice?
   
   
6. Did you make your First Communion? When and where?
   
   
7. Were you reared a Catholic? Did you receive a Catholic education? Where and for how long?
   
   
8. Did you receive Confirmation? When and where?
   
   
9. In what parish do you reside? How long have you been living there? Have you lived in any other parish for six months or more after the age of 12? If so, give the name and address of two Catholics, known to their pastor, who can testify about you during your stay in these parishes.
   
   
10. Have you ever been married, or attempted marriage even civilly? How often? With whom? When? Where and before whom? Is your husband (husbands) dead? If so, an authentic document of death must be presented. Was your former marriage (s) dissolved or de­clared null by the Church?
    
    
11. Have you ever made a vow? Of virginity? Of perpetual chastity? Of temporary chastity and the time is not elapsed? Of never marrying? Of entering religion?
    
    
12. Have you ever made a profession in any Religious institute?
    
    
13. Are you related to the person you intend to marry? State the degree of relationship: By blood? By marriage? By public honesty?
    
    
14. Have you baptized your intended husband, or been his sponsor?
    
    
15. Was your intended husband ever married before? If so: During the lifetime of his wife did you attempt marriage with him? Or while
    she was alive, promise to marry him? Or cause, or cooperate in any
    way in causing her death?
    
    
16. Are you at present a practical Catholic? Is your intended husband? In what religion was he baptized? What religion does he practice? Do you or does he belong to the Masons or any other condemned society? Are you or he conscious of being under any censure of the Church?
    
    
17. How long have you known your intended husband? How long have you been engaged?
    
    
18. Are you entering this marriage freely and of your own accord? Are you being compelled by any person, circumstance, etc.? Is your intended husband marrying you freely and of his own accord? Is he being compelled by any person, circumstance, etc.?
    
    
19. Do you understand the nature and obligations of marriage? Does your intended husband? Have you or he ever suffered from any mental disturbance? Have you any physical defect preventing the proper fulfillment of your duties as a wife?
    
    
20. Do you intend to enter a permanent marriage that can be dissolved only by death? Does your intended husband agree to enter such an indissoluble union?
    
    
21. Do you intend to be faithful to your husband for life?
    
    
22. Do you intend to lead a married life in conformity with the teaching of the Catholic Church regarding birth control? Docs your intended husband agree to live such a Christian life?
    
    
23. Are you entering this marriage without condition or reservation?
    
    
24. When do you intend to be married? Who will be the two essential witnesses? Are they both Catholics?
    
    
25. Are the banns to be published? If not, why not?
    
    
26. Have you consulted your parents about this marriage? If not, why not?
    
    
27. Do you understand that when you sign this document you preclude the possibility of ever contending that this marriage is invalid as far as you are concerned?
    
    
28. Do you now affix your signature in testimony of the truth of all the above answers, realizing that you are under oath?
    

Where Will the Marriage Take Place?

Ordinarily, the marriage will take place in the church of the bride, unless there is a serious reason for making some other ar­rangements. In some places, the groom and bride are interviewed by their respective pastors as to their freedom to marry. In others, the bride's pastor interrogates both.

What About Witnesses or Attendants?

The witnesses of a Catholic marriage must be a Catholic man and a Catholic woman; if there are to be any non-Catholic mem­bers of the bridal party, please speak to your pastor concerning this situation. The number of members in the bridal party should also be discussed with the pastor. A large party gets cumbersome.

A flower girl and ring bearer are impractical unless they are at least six years old. Normally a group of six, including the bride and groom, is the most practical.

What About Special Requests?

Sometimes the couple to be married have a friend whom they wish to serve as organist, singer, or acolyte. They should be reasonable about such requests. Permitting the bridal couple to supply their own organist and singers may be welcomed by one pastor, whereas another pastor may run the risk of trouble with his regular organist and choir members if he grants such permission. Organist and singers at a wedding are, of course, optional unless there is to be a high Mass.

It may also happen that either the bride or groom would like to ask a relative or friend in the priesthood to officiate at the wedding. Again it is up to the pastor who has the canonical right to assist at the marriage, to grant the permission if he wishes and to delegate the priest requested. If the pastor chooses not to grant permission for an outside priest, he is perfectly within his rights; and the couple must bow to his decision.

It may happen, because of sentimental or other reasons, that a couple may wish to be married some place other than in their parish church, for instance, in a college chapel or in another city. Again the permission depends upon the pastor of the bride. Many pastors are very hesitant to grant permission for marriages outside the parish, and rightly so, because the pastor has a strict responsibility for everything that pertains to the spiritual welfare of his people. It is possible for abuses to creep in and for parishioners to want to run hither and yon to get married for the flimsiest reasons. It is always easier for the couple to get per­mission to bring in an outside priest to officiate at the marriage than it is to obtain permission to be married by that same priest at another church or chapel.2

When Can You Get Married?

Strictly speaking, a Catholic marriage can take place at any time of the day or night, including Advent and Lent, and with or without Mass. The special Nuptial Mass and Nuptial Blessing, which is given during Mass, are not permitted during Advent and Lent without a dispensation from the Bishop. During these two times, wedding cere­monies should be kept simple in accordance with the penitential charac­ter of the season.

This does not mean that a couple can rush to the priest of a church and be married immediately at any time they wish. In addition to the documents and instructions required, ordinarily they must give the pastor notice quite a bit ahead of time so that he can find a time for the wedding which will be convenient for them and which will not disrupt regular parish functions.3

What Are Marriage Banns? Where Will They Be Announced?

The publication of marriage banns is a matter of Church Law. This is a formal public proclamation as to the individual's eligi­bility to marry. Ordinarily these banns will be read in the respec­tive bride's and groom's parishes on the three consecutive Sundays or holydays prior to the wedding. These banns are also announced in every parish in which the bride and groom have lived since the age of twelve or fourteen respectively. The faithful should make known any real reason they may be aware of why the couple should not marry. For a sufficiently serious reason, the Bishop may dispense from the announcing of banns.

What About Wedding Attire and Music?

All attire of those in the wedding party should be in perfect accord with the rules of decency. Modesty and simplicity should be the guide in selecting the gowns of the bride and attendants. A modest bride is a beautiful bride. There is no room at a Catholic wedding for gaudi-ness or vulgarity of attire.4

Only approved Church music is allowable. "The so-called tradi­tional music of Here Comes the Bride from Lohengrin and the Wedding March by Mendelssohn and other secular songs like Because or O Promise Me, etc., are not to be used in church ac­cording to the decrees of Pope Pius X."5

May We Have a Professional Photographer Take Candid Shots?

Pictures by a professional (not amateur) photographer are usually allowed of the wedding party to and from the altar; how­ever, local custom and the pastor's pleasure must be considered. Most priests will not tolerate photographers in the sanctuary. Some find the popping of flash bulbs so distracting that they won't even let them in the church. A professional photographer, of course, realizes that a Catholic marriage is a solemn sacred ceremony, not a style show or a sporting event. It is suggested that the wedding party have a formal portrait taken after the marriage ceremony at some professional studio. The house of God is a house of prayer, not a place for posing for pictures.

What About Wedding Invitations?

A wedding invitation is the first formal notice of the great event. For a Catholic wedding, it is fitting that the design and wording of one's invitation express the sacramental significance of the contract.

As soon as the exact date has been set, the prospective bride and groom should see to it that the invitations are prepared, printed (engraved), and addressed. Both individuals should begin early in drawing up the invitation list so as not to exclude any impor­tant relative or friend. The invitations should be mailed approxi­mately three weeks before the ceremony. A reputable stationery store can give appropriate advice on the format. Should the couple decide to send wedding announcements instead of invitations, these too should contain mention of the sacrament received. Such announcements are sent immediately after the wedding takes place. They can be prepared beforehand for mailing.

What Type of Wedding Shall It Be?

In choosing the type of wedding a couple wishes to plan con­sideration should be given to three items: (1) the amount of one's budget, (2) the couple's personality, and (3) the place (church) where the ceremony is to take place. These three fac­tors will determine whether the wedding is to be a completely formal affair — or what degree of formality the couple desires or can afford. Whether a person's marriage is an elaborate or quiet affair, a Catholic marriage should possess the fullness of liturgical celebration given by the Church. What does this mean?

From a Catholic point of view, a marriage is celebrated with a nuptial Mass. It is a nuptial Mass which gives solemnity to a Catholic marriage. This wedding Mass can be as elaborate or as quiet as the couple desires, but a Catholic marriage should always take place in connection with the nuptial Mass. Some parishes will definitely insist that all weddings take place at a nuptial high Mass.

In deciding whether or not one's wedding will be simple, elab­orate, or somewhere in between, due consideration should be given the expense of the affair. Before this can be resolved, the family of the bride will have to be consulted since much of the expense, according to custom, will fall on the bride's family.

Duties of the Bride and the Bride's Family

According to authorities the first responsibility generally as­sumed by the bride's family is to have a luncheon or dinner for the engaged couple. Sometimes this is done after the engagement is announced and on other occasions the dinner is given an­nouncing the engagement. The next important steps are then gen­erally the following:

1. Engage the proper parish priest and church where the wedding is to be held.
   
   
2. Make arrangements for the invitations and announcements with the engraver. Be sure that they are sent out at least three weeks before the wedding to allow ample time for replies.
   
   
3. Make preliminary arrangements with the florist, caterer, musicians, and photographer. This is necessary to avoid any conflict of dates that may arise in their working schedule.
   
   
4. Start assembling your guest list. Make certain that there are no dupli­cations existing, which could easily occur when the bride and groom have mutual friends.
   
   
5. Select the bridal attendants and ushers. It is better to do this jointly so that the couples will match up.
   
   
6. Choose the bridal costume and decide on the type of gowns to be worn by the bridal attendants.
   
   
7. Start shopping for the bridal trousseau.
   
   
8. Hire the necessary transportation (frequently a limousine) for the bridal party in the event there aren't enough automobiles available for this purpose.
   
   
9. In the event the parents of the groom live out of town make necessary hotel or club reservations for them.
   

The Groom . . . and His Responsibilities

As the groom is expected to derive at least half of the pleasure from the marital relationship, he should contribute at least that amount of work in planning the wedding. In most instances he is not required to do this — but tradition requires that he perform a number of duties, as follows:

1. Immediately before or after the engagement he buys the engagement ring (and wedding ring if he chooses at this time).
   
   
2. A short time before the wedding he applies for the license. State laws governing marriage must be checked. Be certain that all papers are ready for the necessary compliance.
   
   
3. Figure out the wedding list for his family and friends. Make certain that there are no duplications with the bride's list.
   
   
4. Choose the best man and the ushers. Notify them of the type of wedding that is to be held. When acceptance is received, notify the attendants of the attire to be worn.
   
   
5. Buy a gift for the future bride and gifts for the attendants and ushers. The following are suggested as gifts for the men: money clips, week-end shaving kits, fountain pens, billfolds, cuff links, and brief cases. (In the event the groom cannot afford it, no breach of etiquette exists when gifts are not bought for the ushers and attendants.)
   
   
6. Attend to his personal wardrobe. Be certain that there are sufficient clothes for the honeymoon trip and that arrangements have been made with the best man to have his luggage taken from his home either to railroad station or automobile before reception.
   
   
7. Make arrangements for living quarters for his new family.
   
   
8. Plan the honeymoon trip. All necessary reservations including hotel and travel should be made as early as possible, especially if it is a June wedding.
   
   
9. Plan the bachelor dinner, and set the date. The latest that it should be held is three days before the wedding.
   
   
10. Give the pastor's stipend to the best man.
    
    
11. Attend the wedding rehearsal.
    
    
12. Arrange for bouquets, boutonnieres, etc., for the bride and the bridal party.
    

Paying the Bills

As the wedding is almost entirely planned and conducted by the bride's parents — and since the invitations to both the ceremony and reception are issued in their name — they naturally pay for the major cost of the wedding.

The respective lists are noted below.

What the Bride's Family Pays for

1. The bridal trousseau, both personal and household
   
   
2. The bride's wedding outfit
   
   
3. The wedding invitations and announcements
   
   
4. Organist, soloist, choir for the ceremony; music for the reception
   
   
5. The wedding reception or breakfast (this includes the food, flowers, champagne, or other beverages)
   
   
6. All floral decorations in the church, home, or elsewhere
   
   
7. Gifts for the maid of honor and all the bridesmaids
   
   
8. The bridesmaids' bouquets (groom may pay for this, if he wishes)
   
   
9. All wedding photographs
   
   
10. The wedding cake and souvenir napkins
    
    
11. Transportation for wedding party to and from the church
    

What the Groom Pays For

1. The engagement and wedding rings (if double-ring ceremony, the bride pays for bridegroom's ring)
   
   
2. The marriage license
   
   
3. Bachelor's dinner
   
   
4. Wedding gift for the bride
   
   
5. Gifts for the best man and ushers
   
   
6. If a formal wedding — ties, gloves, and boutonnieres for the best man, ushers, and himself
   
   
7. Bride's bouquet
   
   
8. Corsage to his mother and new mother-in-law
   
   
9. Pastor's stipend
   
   
10. Transportation to wedding for best man and himself
    
    
11. All honeymoon expenses
    

State or Civil Requirements

Along with the rules of the Church regarding marriage, an en­gaged couple must fulfill certain state or civil requirements. These laws differ from state to state, since the Constitution of the United States left complete authority over marriage legislation to the respective states. There are some similarities among the various states, however. All states require a marriage license ($2 to $5), and most states now require a medical certificate (blood or Was-sermann test) from both parties showing freedom from com­municable diseases (venereal disease) before granting a license. All states have laws requiring parental approval for the marriage of minors. Thirty-one states require this permission when the prospective bride is under 18 and the husband is under 21. All states have a minimum-age requirement for allowing couples to get married even though parental consent is given. In 23 states of the Union this minimum age is 18 for the prospective groom; in 24 states it is 16 for the prospective bride. Lower minimum-age requirements — as low as 14 for males and 12 for females —- are found in the remaining states. Most states prescribe a minimum waiting period of from one to five days between the date of application for a marriage license and its issuance or availability for use. Other states have a similar waiting period between the issuance of the marriage license and the date of the wedding. In all states, however, the marriage license must be issued in the same state where the parties are to be married. In some states this applies also to counties. All states agree in prohibiting marriage of relatives within the direct line of blood relationship; they differ, however, in their laws for other kinds of relationships. Twenty-two states prohibit marriages between members of different races (miscegenation). This includes marriages between white persons and Negroes, Orientals, or Indians. Some states, like Wisconsin, now require adult witnesses. For complete information of your state's laws on marriage, it is suggested that you extend an invita­tion to your district attorney to address your class. An excellent booklet available on the various laws of states regarding marriage is that edited by Irving Mandell, entitled Law of Marriage and Di­vorce (New York: Oceana Publications, 1957).

Preparing for the Sacrament

Amid all these preparations, the young couple will do well to con­sider their spiritual preparation for the great day. A Catholic marriage is a sacrament. It should be approached reverently and in the state of grace. Catholics should go to confession before the ceremony and if possible receive Holy Communion at their wedding Mass. The same recommendation is offered to the other members of the wedding party. No better investment can be made to secure God's help and blessing. If it is possible for the prospective bride and groom to make a short retreat or day of recollection, so much the better. In all events, the night before the ceremony should be spent quietly without any kind of excess which would get the marriage off to a bad start.

In preparation for the honeymoon and marital life, a good Catholic doctor may be consulted by the couple. Friendly but competent medical advice will be of great value in helping them understand better what to expect and how to conduct themselves in the great intimacy of marital love and its responsibilities.

It is customary for the parish priest to hold one or two rehearsals of the ceremony, the last one usually on the night before the wedding, so that all will know how to conduct themselves. At this time, if he has not already done so, the pastor or the assistant pastor will require certain information which he must enter into the official Marriage Record Book. This includes the full names of the contracting couple, as well as their ages, and also the names of the parents and the two official witnesses. If a dispensation was required, this also is recorded. He must also make a notation of the marriage on the official Parish Baptismal Records of the bride and groom, and send this information to the pastor or pastors if the Baptism of one or both took place else­where. This information must be available, so that it can be transcribed into the official records promptly after the ceremony has taken place.6

The Marriage Ceremony

To anyone who has ever witnessed a Catholic marriage at a nuptial Mass, there is no more beautiful wedding ceremony. To en­ter a union of love within the great act of love of Christ Himself, namely, the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, is the most hallowed and sacred act a couple can perform. This should be an essential part of every Catholic marriage. On one's wedding day, it's the nuptial Mass that matters.

A close look at a Catholic marriage ceremony reveals the beauty of the simplicity of this sacrament. It consists of several distinct ceremonies: There is the allocution of the priest, the mutual con­sent given by the contracting parties —- the essence of the sacra­ment— the blessing and conferring of the ring(s), the nuptial blessing, and the final exhortation and prayer of the priest. Let's examine these one at a time.

Allocution of the Priest

No exhortation is so familiar to Catholics as the one given on the day of marriage. While the words may be familiar, they do not cease to be serious or beautiful for those about to enter into the sacrament of matrimony. These words should be read by the prospective couple far in advance of their wedding day. Through­out their married life they can refer to them from time to time.

Masterhond, Inc.

The Sacrament of Matrimony is not conferred by the priest; the bride and groom confer the sac­rament on each other. This fact testifies to the dignity of Matri­mony.

The Roman Ritual reads as follows:

Dear friends in Christ: As you know, you are about to enter into a union which is most sacred and most serious, a union which was established by God Himself. By it, He gave to man a share in the

greatest work of creation, the work of the continuation of the human race. And in this way He sanctified human love and enabled man and woman to help each other live as children of God, by sharing a common life under His fatherly care.

Because God Himself is thus its author, marriage is of its very na­ture a holy institution, requiring of those who enter into it a complete and unreserved giving of self. But Christ our Lord added to the holi­ness of marriage an even deeper meaning and a higher beauty. He referred to the love of marriage to describe His own love for His Church, that is, for the people of God whom He redeemed by His own blood. And so He gave to Christians a new vision of what married life ought to be, a life of self-sacrificing love like His own. It is for this reason that His Apostle, St. Paul, clearly states that marriage is now and for all time to be considered a great mystery, intimately bound up with the supernatural union of Christ and the Church, which union is also to be its pattern.

This union, then, is most serious, because it will bind you together for life in a relationship so close and so intimate, that it will pro­foundly influence your whole future. That future, with its hopes and disappointments, its successes and its failures, its pleasures, and its pains, its joys and its sorrows, is hidden from your eyes. You know that these elements are mingled in every life, and are to be expected in your own. And so, not knowing what is before you, you take each other for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death.

Truly, then, these words are most serious. It is a beautiful tribute to your undoubted faith in each other, that, recognizing their full im­port, you are nevertheless so willing and ready to pronounce them. And because these words involve such solemn obligations, it is most fitting that you rest the security of your wedded life upon the great principle of self-sacrifice. And so you begin your married life by the voluntary and complete surrender of your individual lives in the interest of that deeper and wider life which you are to have in common. Henceforth you belong entirely to each other; you will be one in mind, one in heart, and one in affections. And whatever sacrifices you may hereafter be required to make to preserve this common life, always make them generously. Sacrifice is usually difficult and irksome. Only love can make it easy; and perfect love can make it a joy. We are willing to give in proportion as we love. And when love is perfect, the sacrifice is complete. God so loved the world that He gave His Only begotten Son; and the Son so loved us that He gave Himself for our salvation. "Greater love than this no man hath, that a man lay down his life for his friends."

No greater blessing can come to your married life than pure con­jugal love, loyal and true to the end. May, then, this love with which you join your hands and hearts today, never fail, but grow deeper and stronger as the years go on. And if true love and the unselfish spirit of perfect sacrifice guide your every action, you can expect the greatest measure of earthly happiness that may be allotted to man in this vale of tears. The rest is in the hands of God. Nor will God be wanting to your needs; He will pledge you the life-long support of His graces in the Holy Sacrament which you are now going to receive.

The Consent

Immediately following the allocution, the officiating priest in the presence of two Catholic witnesses asks the prospective groom and bride separately if they wish to be united in the bonds of matrimony. By their simple answer, "I will," the two administer to each other the sacrament. The formula of the Ritual is as follows:

Addressing the bridegroom, the priest asks:

"N., will you take N. here present, for your lawful wife accord­ing to the rite of our Holy Mother Church?" The groom answers: "I will."

The priest then asks the bride: "N., will you take N. here present, for your lawful husband according to the rite of our Holy Mother Church?" The bride answers: "I will."

The priest then asks the bride and groom to join their right hands and repeat separately after him the following words: "I, N., take thee, N., for my lawful wife (husband), to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."

Immediately after this, the priest says: "I join you together in matrimony, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen." Then, in some places, he turns to those present and says: "I call upon all of you here present to be witnesses of this holy union which I have now blessed, 'What God has joined together, let no man put asunder.'" Then he sprinkles the couple with holy water. By these words, the priest, in his capacity of offi­cial witness for the Church, bears witness to the fact that by the mutual consent of the two the reception of the sacrament has been enacted.

The Ring Ceremony

Once the consent of the couple has been given the ring ceremony follows. The priest turns to the altar and blesses the ring, which symbolizes the unbroken fidelity and loyalty which should be, characteristic of marriage.

The marriage ring, worn on the left hand, is a visible indication to all others that the wearer of the ring is married and, therefore, not free to bestow intimacy and affection on any one other than the marriage part­ner. Customs differ somewhat with the ring ceremony. In some marriages only one ring is used. This is blessed first by the priest and then given to the bridegroom, who slips it on the finger next to the little finger of the left hand of the bride. At the same time the bridegroom says: "With this ring I thee wed, and promise unto you my fidelity."

In other marriages two rings are used, one each for both bride and groom. This custom which has much to recommend it, seems to be spreading. In the double-ring ceremony the priest says the following prayer: "Bless, O Lord, these rings which we are blessing in Thy Name, so that they who wear them, keeping faith with each other in unbroken loyalty, may ever remain at peace with Thee, obedient to Thy will, and may live together always in mutual love, through Christ our Lord. Amen." In bestowing the ring on each other, the bridegroom and bride each repeat the following prayer: "In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Take and wear this ring as a pledge of my fidelity."

Through the blessing of the priest, the ring becomes a sacramental; and, like other sacramentals of the Church, it should be treated rever­ently and can be used to dispose one for grace.7

A new indulgence granted by Pope John XXIII to promote married love and fidelity has recently been issued. Married persons who devoutly kiss the wife's wedding ring on the day of marriage and recite the following or another similar prayer may receive a 300-day partial indulgence. The prayer to say before kissing the ring is: "Grant us, O Lord, that loving You we may love one another and live according to Your holy law." Married members of the wedding party, certainly the parents of the bride and groom, should avail themselves of this new indulgence, immediately after the wedding ceremony.

John Ahlhauser

The wedding ring is a sign of unbroken fidelity and loyalty. Pope John XXIII granted a new indulgence to married persons who kiss the wife's wedding ring on the day of marriage.

Once the ring ceremony has been completed the couple receive a series of blessings from the priest officiating. The priest says:

Almighty and everlasting God, Who by Thy power didst create Adam and Eve, our first parents, and join them in a holy union, sanctify the hearts and bodies of these Thy servants, and bless them; and make them one in the union and love of true affection. Through Christ our Lord. Amen.

In some places, it is customary for the priest then to extend his hands above the couple and pray:

May Almighty God bless you by the Word of His mouth, and unite your hearts in the enduring bond of pure love. Amen.

May you be blessed in your children, and may the love that you lavish on them be returned a hundredfold. Amen.

May the peace of Christ dwell always in your hearts and in your home; may you have true friends to stand by you, both in joy and in sorrow. May you be ready with help and consolation for all those who come to you in need; and may the blessings promised to the compassionate descend in abundance on your house. Amen.

May you be blessed in your work and enjoy its fruits. May cares never cause you distress, nor the desire for earthly possessions lead you astray; but may your hearts' concern be always for the treasures laid up for you in the life of heaven. Amen.

May the Lord grant you fullness of years, so that you may reap the harvest of a good life, and, after you have served Him with loyalty in His kingdom on earth, may He take you up into His eternal do­minions in heaven. Through our Lord Jesus Christ His Son, Who lives and reigns with Him in the unity of the Holy Spirit, God, world without end. Amen.

The Nuptial Mass

Following the marriage ceremony proper, all of which takes place usually in the sanctuary of the church, the nuptial blessing is given. All the prayers of the Mass have a special fitness toward making marriage meaningful. Frequently copies of the nuptial Mass specially printed are distributed to all who assist at the Mass. This enables them to follow the Mass and ceremonies better. It also serves as a fitting souvenir booklet of the wedding itself. Should a couple decide to have their own special missals printed for their day of marriage, The Leaflet Missal, 55 East 10th Street, St. Paul 2, Minnesota, puts out a very attractive pamphlet called The Mass on the Day of Marriage, which can be used.

How beautiful is the nuptial Mass! Knowing that it is God Him­self who joins man and woman together in the great sacrament of marriage, the priest prays the Introit prayer that God may be with the newly married couple all the days of their life. He says: "May the God of Israel join you together, and may He be with you. . . . And now, O Lord, make them bless Thee more fully."

The Epistle finds the priest reading the beautiful words of St. Paul to the Ephesians, in which the union of husband and wife is said to symbolize the union of Christ and His Spouse, the Church.

The first sentence of the Epistle seems to start an instruction to the wife to obey, but the Epistle turns out to be a very strong sermon for the husband. He is made the head of the home. There must be a central authority in any institution, but he is the head "as Christ is the head of the Church." The husband, then, must be the protector of his wife and home; he must be willing to lay down his life for them. It is true that Saint Paul says, "As the Church is subject to Christ, so also let wives be to their husbands," but he follows that with, "Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the Church, and delivered himself up for her, that he might sanctify her ... in order that he might present to himself the Church in all her glory, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she might be holy and without blemish" (Ephesians 5:24-27). A husband who loves his wife in this way will never need to remind her that he is the head of the house, for he will be Christlike in all his plans for it.

St. Paul is not satisfied with this much admonition; he continues: "Even thus ought husbands also to love their wives as their own bodies" (Ephesians 5:28). This is strong language, for who would hurt his own body or fail to think of its needs, even of its legitimate pleasures? The wife, then, is to be thought of first and all her proper needs or desires fulfilled first. The husband will nourish and cherish her "as Christ also does the Church."

This doctrine has social meaning too. In case of conflict of loyalties, there is no doubt left as to the husband's first duty according to the words of God Himself which Saint Paul quotes: "For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh" (Ephesians 5:31).

The Epistle ends with the words, "Let each one of you also love his wife just as he loves himself; and let the wife respect her husband" (Ephesians 5:33). In some translations the last phrase reads, "Let the wife fear her husband." The word fear is to be interpreted in the same way as we interpret it when we speak of the gift of the Holy Spirit called the fear of the Lord. There we mean that our love for God should be such that we fear to offend Him. So, too, the wife ought to love her husband in this manner. This will not be difficult for her if she becomes, in truth, another Christ.8

The Gospel is taken from St. Matthew and proclaims the unity and indissolubility of marriage: "They shall be two in one flesh. . . . What therefore God hath joined together, let no man put asunder."

It is assumed in the missal, of course, that the newlyweds will unite themselves with the very person of Christ in the great sacra­ment of the Eucharist. It is customary that everyone in the bridal party, along with the parents, relatives, and friends of the couple, also receive Holy Communion. In no other way could they bring an abundance of God's blessing upon the young married couple than by receiving Holy Communion for the intentions of the newly-weds at the nuptial Mass.

The Nuptial Blessing

Just before Holy Communion, however, the newly married couple receive the bridal blessing better known as the nuptial blessing. Just as the Epistle served to remind the new husband of his duty to be another Christ to his wife and home, so the nuptial blessing serves to remind the wife of her duties. This solemn blessing of marriage consists actually in three prayers. Two of them are said after the Pater Noster of the Mass. The third is recited by the priest over the bridegroom and bride just before giving the Last Blessing of Mass. But let's take a closer look.

Immediately after reciting the Pater Noster the priest turns toward the husband and wife and prays:

Let us pray. Listen with favor, O Lord, to our prayers; and in Thy goodness maintain the ways which Thou hast established for the con­tinuation of the human race, so that the union which has been founded by Thy authority may be preserved by Thy aid. Through our Lord Jesus Christ, Thy Son, Who lives and reigns with Thee in the unity of the Holy Spirit, God, world without end. Amen.

Let us pray. O God, Who by Thy mighty power hast made all things where before there was nothing; Who, having put in order the begin­nings of the universe, didst form for man, made to Thy image, an inseparable helpmate, woman, so that Thou didst give woman's body its origin from man's flesh and teach that it is never right to separate her from the one being whence it has pleased Thee to take her:

O God, Who has consecrated the union of marriage making it a sign so profound as to prefigure in the marriage covenant the mystery of Christ and the Church:

O God, Who dost join woman to man, and give to that society, the first to be established, the blessing which alone was not taken away in punishment for original sin nor in the doom of the Flood:

Look with kindness on this Thy servant who is now to be joined to her husband in the companionship of marriage and who seeks to be made secure by Thy protection.

May this yoke that she is taking on herself be one of love and peace. May she be faithful and chaste, marrying in Christ, and may she always imitate the holy women. May she be the beloved of her hus­band, as was Rachel; wise, as was Rebecca; long-lived and loyal, as was Sarah.

May the author of sin have no mastery over her because of her acts. May she hold firm to the Faith and the commandments. Faithful to one embrace, may she flee from unlawful companionship. By firm discipline may she fortify herself against her weakness. May she be grave in her modesty, honorable in her chastity, learned in the teachings of heaven.

May she be rich in children, prove worthy and blameless, and may she attain in the end to the peace of the blessed, the Kingdom of heaven.

May she and her husband together see their children's children to the third and fourth generation and enjoy the long life they desire. Through our Lord Jesus Christ Thy Son, Who lives and reigns with Thee in the unity of the Holy Spirit, God, for ever and ever. Amen.

Just before the Last Blessing of the Mass, the priest again turns to the bridegroom and recites the third prayer of the nuptial bless­ing. Its words are:

May the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, the God of Jacob be with you, and may He fulfill in you His blessing; so that you may see your children's children to the third and fourth generation and after­ward possess everlasting and boundless life. Through the help of our Lord Jesus Christ, Who with the Father and the Holy Spirit lives and reigns, God, for ever and ever. Amen.

In many dioceses, immediately after this third prayer the offi­ciating priest may address a few last words to the bridal party to be faithful to each other, to love each other and God their entire wedded life. He may say this in his own words or recite the follow­ing prayer:

O God, who hast ordained and sanctified the holy state of matrimony for replenishing the earth, for mutual consolation, and as a type of the union of Christ and His Church, give to these here present who have this day entered into this sacred relation, grace both thankfully to accept its blessings and faithfully to fulfill its duties. Deliver them from all evil temper, from every heedless action, which may in any way embitter or weaken the tie by which Thou hast bound them to­gether. Make them true and affectionate, studious to please, and ready to deny their own will and inclination in all things. Let not the trials and crosses of this life induce them to murmur, nor let their earthly prosperity cause them to forget Thee, the author and giver of all blessings; but by patience and meekness, by prayer and thankfulness, may all blessings be sanctified unto them, and fit them for an eternal union with Thee. Through the same Christ our Lord. Amen.

It should be kept in mind that the nuptial blessing can only be received once. This blessing is not given to those who contract mixed marriages, or to widows who are contracting marriage for the second time. If it was omitted for some reason when the marriage was contracted, e.g., because of marriage during Lent, it can and should be received as soon as possible. Should the non- Catholic become converted to the Faith, a couple who contracted a mixed marriage may then have their marriage blessed.

In some dioceses it is a custom for the bride and groom to dedicate their marriage to the Blessed Virgin after the nuptial Mass.

Moslerhand, Inc.

A Beautiful Custom

A popular custom in some dioceses is for the bride and groom to dedicate their marriage to the Blessed Virgin immediately after the nuptial Mass is completed. While the ceremony will vary from place to place, essentially it is made up of the bride placing a bouquet of flowers on the Blessed Virgin's altar and the bridegroom and bride reciting silently a prayer of dedication. An appropriate prayer for this occasion for both the husband and wife has been edited by Rev. Irenaeus Herscher, O.F.M., St. Bonaventure Uni­versity, St. Bonaventure, New York.9 The prayers express the hopes and dreams of the petitioners for a happy, holy married life and are a confirmation of faith in the One who instituted the Sacrament of Marriage. We reprint the prayers here:

A Bride's Prayer

O Father, my heart is filled with a happiness so wonderful, I am almost afraid. This is my Wedding Day. I pray Thee that the beautiful joy of this morning may never grow dim with the tears of regret for the step I am about to take. Rather may its memories become more sweet and tender with each passing anniversary.

Thou hast sent me one who seems all worthy of my deepest regard. Grant unto me the power to keep him ever true and loving as now. May I prove indeed a helpmate, a sweetheart, a friend, a steadfast guiding star among all the temptations that beset this impulsive heart of mine.

Give me skill to make home the best loved place of all. Help me to make its light gleam brighter than any glow that would dim its radi­ance. Let me, I pray Thee, meet the little misunderstandings and cares of life more bravely.

Be with me as I start my mission of womanhood, and stay Thou my path from failure all the way. Walk with us even unto the end of our journey. O Father, bless my Wedding Day, Hallow my Marriage Night, Sanctify my Motherhood if Thou seest fit to grant me that privilege. And when all my youthful charms are gone, and cares and lessons have left their traces, let physical fascination give way to the greatest charm of companionship.

And so may we walk hand in hand down the highway of the valley of the shadow which we hope to lighten with the sunshine of good and happy lives.

O Father, this is my prayer. Hear me, I beseech Thee. Amen.

A Bridegroom's Prayer

O Heavenly Father, on this, my Wedding Day, I sense as never before Thy sacred Presence. It seems like the first glorious Sabbath in Paradise, when all was good and beautiful, when the universe lay at Thy feet in reverent awe, when the first man and the first woman listened to Thy voice in their pristine joy and innocence.

Behold the woman Thou gavest me as my companion for this life's journey, kneels trustfully at my side, f thank Thee for joining our paths, and for granting us the privilege of sharing Thy power in per­petuating the work of Thy Hand. 1 know that she is Thy gift to me, and I vow in my deepest soul to love her, treasure her, and keep her with unswerving fidelity until my dying breath. May the love which knits our souls together today, never lose its ardor, its charm, its sweet­ness, and may spiritual wisdom and maturer understanding ever strengthen our holy bond as the days roll by, and as the bloom and vigor of youth give way to the infirmities of advancing years.

In joy and sorrow, in triumph and failure, I will stand by her side, not as her lord and master, but as a devoted friend and protector, shar­ing with her lovingly all I have and hold. I will build her a home, enduring, beautiful, peaceful: she shall be my queen, my comfort, the pride of my life.

Over this home we will write the Holy Name of Jesus. Grant, O Heavenly Father, that the charm of this beautiful Cana Day may abide

in it forever, and that Jesus and His Blessed Mother may be our con­stant guests. May the same Divine Saviour fashion our mutual love after the pure love which He bore to His Bride, our Holy Church; and as He presented "to Himself the Church in all her glory, not having spot or wrinkle or any such things," so may I be permitted some day to present to Thee this bride of mine to whom I have pledged constant fidelity before Thy altar.

O Father, this is the prayer of my heart. Bless us and keep us in Thy holy grace. Amen.

The Wedding Reception

Following the ceremony at the church, it is customary for the newly married couple to proceed to the home of the bride's parents or to some other suitable place where they may receive their relatives and friends and partake of a breakfast or luncheon. This is the worldly side of the marriage celebration, and its simplicity or elaborateness will depend upon the financial means of the bride's family. If the affair is prolonged with dancing, usually the bride and groom will leave shortly after the repast to change to traveling clothes and leave for their honey­moon trip. It sometimes takes a great deal of ingenuity and careful planning to escape the pranksters and practical jokers who, from a misguided sense of humor, try to embarrass and plague the newly married pair in every way possible. This is where true and dependable friends in the persons of the best man and bridesmaid can render real assistance.10

SUGGESTIONS FOR READING

*A Check List for Your Wedding, Msgr. James A. Magner (Notre Dame, Ind.: Ave Maria Press, 1959).

God Bless the Newlyweds, Daniel A. Lord, S.J. (St. Louis, Mo.: The Queen's Work, 1949).

A Guide to Catholic Marriage, Clement S. Mihanovich, Gerald Schnepp, and John L. Thomas (Milwaukee: The Bruce Publishing Co., 1954).

* Happy Marriage, John A. O'Brien (Garden City, N. Y.: Hanover House, 1956).

How to Arrange for Your Wedding, Gerard Breitenbeck, C.SS.R. (Liguori, Mo., The Liguorian Press, 1957).

Marriage Guidance, Edwin F. Healy, S.J. (Chicago: Loyola University Press, 1948).

^Marriage Is Holy, Abbe H. Caffarel (Chicago: Fides Publications, 1957).

Modern Manners, Carolyn Hagner Show (New York: E. P. Dutton & Co., Inc., 1958).

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