6. MARRIAGE GAMBLE

One of the major problems to arise in this pluralistic society of ours is the problem of mixed marriages. With interfaith dating becoming more and more common, it is becoming commonplace for Catholics to enter into marriage with a non-Catholic partner. Sociologists report that today one out of every three marriages involving Catholics is now mixed. Too few of those entering such unions realize what a gamble they are taking. Thus the reason for this chapter: to analyze the dangers of mixed marriages.

Forbidden by the Church

The attitude of the Catholic Church toward mixed marriage is expressed with utter frankness in the Code of Canon Law (C. 1060). "Everywhere and with the greatest strictness the Church forbids marriages between baptized persons, one of whom is a Catholic and the other of a schismatical or heretical sect; and if there is added to this the danger of the falling away of the Catholic party and the perversion of the children, such a marriage is for­bidden also by the divine law." It is precisely this law as well as the others we have already considered in previous chapters that is commanded of Catholics by the Sixth Commandment of the Church which reads: "To observe the laws of the Church con­cerning marriage."

Forbidden by Others

The attitude of the Catholic Church toward mixed marriage is similar to the attitude of other religious organizations to such unions. All major religious denominations and/or organizations have gone on record opposing them. As early as 1932 the Federal Council of the Churches of Christ in America, now better known as the National Council of Churches, declared that "persons con­templating a mixed marriage should be advised not to enter it." Dr. Leland Foster Wood, formerly secretary of the Council's Commission on Marriage and the Home, stated at that time: "In warning young people against the pitfalls of mixed marriage we are taking a position rather similar to the Roman Catholic Faith."

In 1948 the general conventions of the Protestant Episcopal Church adopted a resolution as follows:

Resolved, that this convention earnestly warns members of our Church against contracting marriages with Roman Catholics under conditions imposed by modern Roman Catholic common law, especially as these conditions involve a promise to have their children brought up under a religious system which they cannot themselves accept; and further, because the religious education and spiritual training of their children by word and example is a paramount duty of parents and should never be neglected nor left entirely to others, we assert that in no circumstances should a member of this Church give any under­standing as a condition of marriage, that the children should be brought up in the practice of another communion.

In May, 1950, the General Assembly of the Presbyterian Church of the United States announced that it had joined the Protestant Episcopal Church in going on public record as opposed to mixed marriage with its inevitable dangers. Individual denominations have also gone on record opposing interfaith marriages. Typical of many such warnings is that sounded by the Southern Baptist Convention in San Francisco in June, 1951: "We, with our Roman Catholic friends, give public warning of the dangers to harmonious home life in mixed marriage."

Not too long ago Jame A. Pike, Bishop of the Protestant Epis­copal Diocese of California, presented his argument against mar­riages of mixed religion in his book If You Marry Outside Your Faith. No Catholic with any experience will argue with the five reasons he presents and explains for all the failures of such unions. Noting that 66 per cent of such marriages meet with ill success he stated that:

1. Such marriages Jack a commonly held basis of ideas, purposes and motivation.
   
   
2. Such marriages lack the resources of marital health provided by com­mon worship of God.
   
   
3. Such marriages rob the parents of a common spiritual relationship to their children.
   
   
4. In such a marriage, one parent has to renounce his (or her) right to give to the children his own spiritual outlook.
   
   
5. In such marriages, if one of the parties is a Roman Catholic, the question of birth-prevention is bound to be an acute and continuing source of conflict and difficulty.
   

In 1956 the Ave Maria magazine's special report on mixed marriage found that all religious groups oppose religious inter­marriage as a general principle and in many specific ways also. Opposition varies from the strictest prohibition to a kind of nominal displeasure with the situation, but in all cases there is at least the feeling that it is generally better for a person to marry within his own faith.

Now without in any way implying that all interfaith marriages are doomed to failure because of problems that will and can arise in such situations, those contemplating such marriages should take a good look at the many problems they will be facing before entering such unions.

Problems Relating to Marriage Ideals

Those contemplating a mixed marriage should consider well the problems relating to the ideals of marriage. There is a big differ­ence, for instance, between a Catholic and a non-Catholic's view­point of marriage. A Catholic recognizes marriage as a sacrament as well as a contract. This is not always the case with the non-Catholic, who more often than not permits divorce and remarriage.

In mixed Catholic-Protestant marriages the rate of divorce and separation is about three times higher than in marriages where both parties are of the same faith. Three separate studies in Michigan, Maryland, and Washington, covering a total of 24,184 families have verified this condition. Mixed marriages are unstable and should be avoided at all costs.

John Ahlhauser

Marriages between Catholics provide the children with a common spiritual relationship to their parents.

Dr. Clifford Adams, directing the Marriage Counseling Service at Pennsylvania State College, School of Education, stated several years ago in an article in the Woman's Home Companion that "My records show that 70 per cent of mixed marriages now end in divorce or separation." And Dr. Adams ought to know about this, for he counsels over 4000 students a year.

Another problem soon to raise its head in marriage is the problem of birth control and the means used in spacing children. For the Catholic, contraception of any kind is forbidden under pain of mortal sin. The only method of birth control a Catholic may practice is self-control or rhythm (which shall be discussed in detail later). In contrast to this position, a non-Catholic fre­quently condones contraceptive measures of family limitation.

Problems Concerning /he Marriage Ceremony

The marriage of a Catholic to a non-Catholic is a rather drab affair, liturgically speaking. The priest officiating at the ceremony wears no liturgical vestments. There is no nuptial Mass, no nuptial blessing, and no mutual reception of Holy Communion. Not even the wedding rings are blessed before they are exchanged. Only the brief ceremony of pronouncing the mutual vows of marriage takes place before the communion rail (if in church) or in the rectory. All of this is the Church's way of expressing her disap­proval of such a union.

Problems Affecting Home Life

A mixed marriage creates many problems of living in marriage. The reason is that Catholicism permeates the entire life of the Catholic party. It is not just a Sunday affair. The use of sacra-mentals such as holy water, statues, crucifix, and religious pictures are commonly found in Catholic homes. In a mixed marriage, these religious articles and outward symbols of Catholicism could prove distasteful and embarrassing to the non-Catholic spouse. Even if they are accepted, they are tolerated, never fully under­stood by the non-Catholic party. This could have repercussions on the children's attitude toward sacramentals.

No matter how kind and considerate the couple may be, religious differences will eventually lead to quarrels. Intellectual disputes are bound to occur when two individuals differ in such an im­portant life factor as religion. A popular non-Catholic columnist of some years ago pointed up the seriousness of this problem: "It is merely a fact that just as no wars have been so bloody as holy wars and no persecutions so cruel as those done in the name of religion, so there is nothing about which husbands and wives can quarrel so bitterly, nothing which can so completely estrange them as a difference in creed."1

Even where the non-Catholic partner belongs to no particular denomination, or affiliation, religious quarrels will arise between husband and wife because of the apathy of the one and the worry of the other. For example, the non-Catholic may see no reason for attendance at Sunday Mass, the Catholic party knows better, etc.

Another cause of religious disputes between the members of a mixed marriage is the sacrament of penance. For a non-Catholic the confessional is nonessential in telling God that you are sorry for your sins. For the Catholic party, confession is at least an annual obligation. Going to confession presents great problems where moral issues such as artificial birth control affect married life. At times the Catholic may have to choose between his partner and his Faith. A Protestant Episcopal rector in advising a young man of his parish against a mixed marriage, pointed up this situa­tion some time ago.

In matters of faith again, you, as a Protestant, may find yourself re­senting the confessional — always a bogey to men like yourself. Your wife must continue going to confession. No evading that, and the con­fessor occupies a more or less judicial position where the married, as well as the unmarried, are concerned, and here is where mixed marriage troubles generally begin. For sooner or later the question of children will crop up, and self-control versus birth control will be a serious issue to be faced. Your wife, as a Catholic, will not listen to any birth control argument through the media of contraceptive measures. Her faith teaches her that such things are shameful and vicious. . . . And the man who marries her will have to recognize her view of faith and morals, especially in the close intimacies that exist between husband and wife. Make up your mind to this, otherwise you may look for disillusion and disgust, followed on your part by a desire for divorce.2

Church support becomes the occasion of still further problems for a mixed marriage couple. The non-Catholic as an active church member will wish to contribute to his respective church, the Catholic partner will wish to contribute to her respective parish church. With battle lines neatly drawn, the arguments are frequent. This double Sunday giving is but a part of a problem. Children born of a mixed marriage must be educated in a Catholic school if one exists in the area. This requires the burden of double taxation for the support of parochial as well as public schools. Too often this financial burden causes the non-Catholic to go back on his premarital promises of educating all children in Catholic schools.

Difficulty arises too over reading matter that is brought into the home. A good Catholic family is expected to subscribe to some good Catholic reading. Frequently the non-Catholic spouse will not like to lay out money for publications which do not sup­port his own beliefs. When it comes to entertainment, here again Catholics are urged to observe the listings of the Legion of Decency. While these listings take into account the natural law of avoiding an occasion of sin, the average non-Catholic does not consider them binding in conscience. In fact he considers them a limitation of freedom.

Catholics may wish to participate in certain Catholic societies that may be a source of disagreement for the non-Catholic partner. Such organizations as the Holy Name Society, the St. Vincent de Paul Society, the Altar and Rosary Society, and the Legion of Mary are open only to Catholic membership. This excludes the mixed marriage partner from participation. So often this exclusion is reversed as well. The non-Catholic may belong to some fraternal organizations (e.g., Masons) that are forbidden to Catholics. This frequently results in religious quarrels.

A brief study of the above circumstances readily shows that a mixed marriage by its nature is adverse to peaceful domestic life. A Catholic contemplating marriage with a person not of his faith should give this matter marked consideration. Marriage is for a lifetime. A mixed marriage may mean a lifetime of "cold war" over religion.

Mixed Marriage Breeds Religious Indifference

Mixed marriages very often lead to a gradual lessening of religious practices, and then to laxity, religious indifference, and the loss of the Faith. At least this is the conclusion born from so many sociological studies of the problem. Take the survey made by Murray H. Leiffer, professor of sociology at Garrett Biblical Institute, in cooperation with 22 churches and the partners of 743 mixed marriages some years ago.

Of 444 husbands of Catholic-Protestant marriages interviewed, 124 acknowledged that they had not attended church for a year, while 110 admitted that they had severed all religious connections. Out of 449 wives interviewed, 60 had already broken away com­pletely, 91 had not attended church services for a year, and only 107 claimed to attend as often as every other Sunday.

John A. O'Brien's noted study, The Truth About Mixed Mar­riages, conclusively shows that out of every ten Catholics entering into mixed marriages, six are ultimately lost to the Church.

Studies of mixed marriages also show that children of such marriages become definitely lost to the Catholic Faith.

In 1951 the YMCA made a study of this problem. Its survey revealed that in cases where both parents were Catholic, 92 per cent of their sons were also practicing Catholics, and where both were Protestants, 68 per cent of their sons were practicing Protes­tants. But where one parent was Protestant and the other Catholic, only 34 per cent of their sons were practicing members of either faith. This means that 66 per cent were lapsed Catholics and/or failed to be raised in the Faith.

You may ask, "What faith benefits from mixed marriage?" The answer to that question is no religion, or the religion of indiffer­ence which has its chief dogma that one religion is just as good as another. Mixed-faith marriages have done much to foster the growth of this modern heresy.

It is worth noting here that Catholic women are more likely to enter an interfaith union than Catholic men. In a study by the Catholic Bishops' Committee on Mixed Marriages covering 7 archdioceses and 43 dioceses from 1932 to 1941, the ratio was 60-40, 60 women to 40 men. Father Joseph Fichter, S.J., in his celebrated study of a Southern parish, found the ratio to be 73-27 in the case of valid mixed marriages.

A Real-Life Decision

A close study of interfaith marriages readily shows that they seldom contain true happiness or success without definite sacrifice of spiritual values. Alice Case gives a personal experience of this fact.

I was 19, Bob was 22. We had a bright, shining future. Why spoil everything by arguing about religion? Rather, we carefully avoided the subject because neither dared admit to the other how completely we expected to win. As I look back over the years, 1 marvel at the atrocious conceit I displayed when I went so far as to tell my mother that I was certain Bob would turn Catholic if I so much as mentioned it. Ah, 19! A wonderful age.

The night I met Bob's parents was the beginning of the end of my dream. They joked about "signing up a minister" if their son continued to spend so much time at the home of his future in-laws. I must have given some sign at the mention of minister because Bob's father said, "You would naturally adopt the religion of your husband, wouldn't you?"

I don't remember my exact answer but later Bob told me of the terrible disappointment his parents felt at his being interested in a "headstrong girl who refused to follow her man." That was the open­ing wedge. Bob's parents used every argument at their disposal to in­fluence him in insisting that I be the one to change religion. At first he was too much in love to see me in the poor light they used. But gradually, by appealing to his male ego, they made him feel that it was a point of honor for a man to force his bride to accept his religion. Meanwhile, I was struggling against open combat with two people whom I scarcely knew except as future (?) in-laws.

Much as I had dreamed of orange blossoms, I could not bring myself to toss my long years of Catholic upbringing to one side and be married by a Methodist minister. I was adamant. I refused to study the Meth­odist beliefs; I wanted no part in their ceremonies. In fact, I tried to defend Catholicism until each date became a long session of argument which left me confused and bitter. I cried and beat my fists into my pillow on a good many nights after Bob left me with his stubborn refusal to be "led around by a woman."

Finally I sought advice. Perhaps I was wrong in my choice of con­fidants but I went to visit a relative who had given up her religion to marry a man who proclaimed himself to be an atheist. I had not talked with Aunt Patty for years inasmuch as she was considered the "black sheep" of our family. But I felt close to her now since we had our common ground.

"Tell him to go fly," Aunt Patty said without hesitation. "No man is worth giving up anything as personal as religion. I know." She and her husband appeared compatible on the surface but Aunt Patty said they existed in a state of truce. She was constantly being nagged by her conscience and he was forever cramming his erratic beliefs down her throat. There were no children and Aunt Patty thanked God for not complicating a bad situation. I could see that after eight years this marriage was something less than I desired. I left Aunt Patty with a genuine concern for her sanity. She was nervous, excitable, loud and not at all serene as I remembered her. With a shudder I faced my own dilemma.

Fall had arrived and I entered nurses' training as I had planned. Bob and I continued to see each other occasionally but it was as if we were strangers meeting for the first time. There was a stiff formality about our relationship which annoyed me. We had been so gay and carefree. Such fun we had had . . . until we began this mad wrangle over religion. I told him my feelings on this subject one night just before Christmas. I was home for a few days and we were trying to recapture the old zest and spontaneity while all our school friends were gathered for the holiday season.

"It's no use, Bob," I said. "I can't punish myself by dating you any longer. This is leading us against an impossible wall. Neither will give in and we may as well face it."

"Can't we just go on enjoying each other's company?" he asked.

"Must we settle the future today?" He was irritated and I knew it.

One thing led to another and we had a violent argument ending in bitter accusations, a slammed door and a break up. I cried myself to sleep and went back to the hospital the next day to work during my vacation . . . anything to forget Bob.

My superintendent of nurses sensed trouble and I poured out my story to her. A kindly soul, she offered to introduce me to several people whom she felt could advise me. I was willing to meet anybody and listen to their views if it would ease the pain I felt over losing Bob.

During that week I had tea with a wonderful priest who gave me a lovely sterling cross to wear on a chain to remind me that I was truly dedicated to Christ. He said for me to live my life as usual but to avoid any talk of religion with Bob.

"If you see him, and I think you will," he said with a twinkle in his eye, "don't talk. Show him. Show him a picture of a Catholic girl and let him decide. Remember, my child, a picture is worth a thousand words."

The full meaning didn't penetrate until much later but I felt strangely rested and relaxed as I fingered the beautiful cross.

I met a girl my own age who had given up her church two years before to marry her loved one. At the time of her marriage, she said nothing mattered except Bill. But two years had dimmed the splendor of the relationship and the Sunday morning church bells gave her severe headaches. She was still very much in love but she was paying a terrible price. Her parents rejected her; her conscience made her miserable and her baby was not baptized, a cross which she bore daily in fear. Her faith meant more to her now that she was denied the prac­tice of it. I listened, pitied and left the girl to her sadness.

Bob called me early the next week and asked for "just one date ... to straighten things out."

I granted him that much and as I dressed for the evening, I prayed hard to the Blessed Virgin. I prayed for guidance. 1 didn't trust myself without her help.

As it turned out, I needed all the help I could get. Bob was con­trite, apologetic and very humble. He acted so meek and considerate of my wishes that I was taken completely by surprise when he drove to a spot overlooking the city and began making love to me with a violence which frightened me.

"I've missed you so much I can't live without you," he said. "We'll both have to grow up and forget this childish squabbling. Let's an­nounce our engagement right away and be married in June."

Stunned, I dared not venture a question. Did he mean he would give in? Just in time, I recalled Father Boler's advice. I was not showing a very clear picture of a Catholic girl as T accepted his caresses almost eagerly. It took terrific strength and will power to draw away from Bob whom I realized I loved even more than I dared think about. But 1 did. I sat primly on my side of the car and said, "Bob, we couldn't live for­ever on passion. I would grow to hate you if I chose you over my religion. And it wouldn't be fair to you, either. You deserve a girl who can marry you on your terms willingly. Since there is really nothing to straighten out, will you please take me back?"

To say he was startled would be the understatement of all time. He was furious. But he drove me back and said good-night with a great show of polish. I was certain that it was the last time I would ever see him and I went to my room and sat in a big chair dry-eyed and peaceful like a tired soldier after a long battle.

Thus I entered my second year of training . . . free and unattached. I dated a few fellows but always I compared them with Bob and they never measured up. I worked hard and tried to forget him.

I kept in touch with Father Boler during these difficult months and his good humor often pulled me out of a slump when I allowed my self-pity to show. He visited the hospital often to call on the sick and I looked forward to his red cheeks and shock of white hair popping above the row of charts on the ward where I worked.

It was on one of these visits that he leaned over to my ear and said, "I'd like to have you come to the rectory tomorrow afternoon . . . sort of a little celebration going on that I think you'd enjoy."

I said I'd conic and promptly put it from my mind. But I walked the short distance the next day with feelings of curiosity as well as pleasure at being invited out.

Father met me at the door himself. His eagerness was as plain as day. He quickly took my coat and almost pushed me into his little study where I looked directly into the eyes of Bob who sat before the low tea table as though he owned the place.

"I'm glad you could come. We're celebrating my baptism," he said.

The rest is easy. Bob had stubbornly decided to find out what mag­netism the Catholic Church held ... if it could come between him and the girl he was sure loved him. And he found out. He took in­structions eagerly and has not been sorry yet ... or so he told me on our 17th wedding anniversary this year!3

Marriage, Mixed or Unmixed

Marriage, mixed or unmixed, that is the question for many these days. Those who are unconvinced that the above arguments are sound or who feel that they are too emotional, ought to ask themselves a few questions before the ring on their finger ends up in their nose. By the time some individuals consider these ques­tions, however, it is already too late. Being in love with a non-Catholic, the questions which follow, however obvious and con­vincing to others, will usually have little effect upon them. Being a little blind or dazzled, however, should not prevent one from noting very basic reactions in the prospective non-Catholic husband or wife. If you are going with a non-Catholic and getting serious ask yourself the following questions:

1. How does this person react to Catholic doctrine as he becomes aware of it? Is he hostile? Is he amused? Is he disdainful? If he is any of these things, the marriage is a bad risk.
   
   
2. Is he interested, if uncommitted in the Catholic faith? Does he ask reasonable questions and listen politely to replies? Does he respect your religious practices, even while disagreeing with their form or purpose? Does he perhaps voice a vague "wish that he could believe all that," because it must be wonderful to have such faith? Does he believe in the support of religion in general? Does he show in his manner of life respect for or belief in a good basic moral code? If he does all of these, a course of instructions from one's parish priest will result in the non-Catholic eventually joining the Catholic faith. If not, this partner will seldom cause trouble or difficulty in the practice of religion of the Catholic party.
   
   
3. When the prospective spouse takes instructions, does he become angry at the necessity of doing so? Does he feel your Church is ordering him about unjustly? Does he react badly to priests in general? (This also applies to women — and perhaps even more, since children will be in their care.) If any of these reactions is among the usual ones for the bride and groom-to-be, one should look long before leaping. This is not to misjudge the motives of these individuals, who are acting true to their own beliefs, after all. It is natural for them to be upset if the priest's instructions seem to them an invasion of their rights and conscience. It takes a sensitive individual, who loves another deeply, to enter into his mind through the mind of his religion. He could not do it at all, were it not for love. If he does it for love, and is repelled or resentful love will not be enough to carry the pair through a lifetime without damage to religious beliefs. Because if we resent the religious background of our beloved, we do our best to "see" him outside of it. Trying to see him without his religion, we strip him of something which is part of him. Those who hate our religion, while saying they love us, mean they would cut out the hateful part if they could. If they cannot, they may spend a lot of time trying to get us to cut it out ourselves, and sometimes they may succeed.
   
   
4. How does this non-Catholic feel about children? Is he willing to have a large family, if it should turn out that way? Could he, if a man, support a large family without constantly blaming his wife for having a religion which makes the possibility of such a family almost a foregone conclusion? Could she, if a woman, enter with good will into the rearing of a large family, without feeling that she has sacrificed herself unwillingly on the altar of her husband's
   religion? If their attitudes are positive and hopeful, realistically ready to bear the probable burden of marriage along with its blessings, the prospects are good.
   

However, if there is much discussion and preoccupation before marriage as to keeping the family small, it is safe to assume there will be even more discussion and difficulty afterward. A large family may or may not result from a particular union, but if a couple wills against it at the outset, there is cause for concern during marriage.4

A serious appraisal of the above questions should help you make the Church's attitude toward mixed marriage your attitude. Look before you leap. There are two ways to avoid a mixed marriage: (1) make sure to associate with eligible Catholics of the opposite sex, and (2) guard against the beginning of serious love in friendly association with non-Catholics of the opposite sex.

Why Grant Dispensations?

The prohibition of interfaith marriages is an ecclesiastical law, although at times it may be also forbidden because of divine law. When a mixed marriage involves serious and irremovable spiritual risks to the Catholic party or to children who might be born of the union, the marriage is forbidden. The Church gives permission for an interfaith marriage only if:

1. Natural and divine laws do not forbid the marriage.
   
   
2. There is a genuinely grave reason for the dispensation, e.g., where marriage is necessary because, due to sinful intimacy, a child is to be born, or where it is necessary to avert or remove a great scandal or a grave spiritual danger.
   
   
3. Both the Catholic and non-Catholic make certain promises, and there is moral certainty that these promises or solemn agreements will be carried out faithfully.
   

The Pre-nuptial Promises

The promises made by the partners in a mixed marriage are called the pre-nuptial agreement. They are usually drawn up as a contract, signed, and witnessed. Recent studies show, however, that these promises are not kept in about 30 per cent of all mixed marriages. Moreover, there is no practical way to make the non-Catholic keep his promise. In a recent decision (1957) the Ohio Supreme Court ruled in effect that agreements made by parties to a mixed marriage for the Catholic rearing of their children are "void and unenforceable." This means that pre-nuptial promises are valid only so long as the non-Catholic partner wishes to keep them.

By marrying a partner of one's own faith, the Catholic has the benefit of assistance in the re­sponsibility of raising children in his Faith.

John Ahlhauser

The following are the promises both parties agree to keep prior to their marriage: The first are directed to the non-Catholic party; the second are to be signed by the Catholic party.

PRE-NUPTIAL PROMISES

(To be signed by the Non-Catholic Party)

I, the undersigned, not a member of the Catholic Church, wishing to contract marriage with        , a member of the Catholic Church, propose to do so with the under­standing that the marriage is indissoluble, except by death; and on my word of honor I solemnly promise, without any reservation, tacit or expressed:

1. That I will not interfere in any way with the free exercise of my spouse's Catholic religion, and in particular I will remove from my Catholic spouse any danger of perversion regarding Catholic faith and morals.
   
   
2. That all children, both boys and girls, who may be born of this union, shall be baptized only in the Roman Catholic Church, and that they shall be educated according to the teachings of the same Church, that is, solely in the Catholic Faith, both at home and through faithful attendance and participation in the formal program of religious instruction provided by the Catholic Church. They shall attend Catholic schools if such are available.
   
   
3. That I will keep the promise I have just made concerning the baptism and education of the children in the Catholic Faith, even if my spouse and I are separated by (his) (her) death or by any other means.
   

These promises and covenants herein contained shall be binding on my respective heirs, next of kin, executors, administrators, and/or sub­sequent guardians and their successors.

Signed at.............. this............... day of............... 19

(Parish Seal)

(Signature of Non-Catholic Party)

In the presence of the following two witnesses:

1.................... 2.................................................

(To be signed by the Catholic Party)

I, the undersigned, a Catholic of (Parish) ........... ,

wishing to contract marriage with.........................

a non-Catholic, hereby solemnly promise, if the Church finds sufficient reason for granting me a dispensation:

1. That I will have all our children, both boys and girls, baptized only in the Roman Catholic Church, and I will educate them, according to the teachings of the same Church, that is, solely in the Catholic Faith, both at home and through faithful attendance and participation in the formal program of religious instruction provided by the Church. T will send them to Catholic schools if such are available.
   
   
2. That I will practice my religion faithfully and, by the edifying influence of a good Catholic life, I will endeavor to bring my partner to the true Faith.
   

These promises and covenants, herein contained shall be binding on my respective heirs, next of kin, executors, administrators, and/or sub­sequent guardians and their successors.

Signed at.............. this.............. day of 19

(Parish Seal)

(Signature of Catholic Party)

In the presence of the following two witnesses:

1.................... 2.............................................

Instruction Necessary

One of the conditions required of the non-Catholic party before being allowed to enter into marriage with a Catholic is a course of instructions on the fundamental points of Catholic belief and practice. Six instructions usually comprise the course, although some dioceses today are requiring twelve, others as high as twenty-four before allowing the mixed marriage to take place. The Cath­olic party is required to sit in on them also. The Church has good reason for this instructional requirement.

If a non-Catholic is to marry a Catholic and agrees not to hinder the Catholic partner from practicing his or her religion and agrees also to the Catholic upbringing of all children who may be born to the marriage, certainly the non-Catholic ought to know something about the fundamental beliefs and practices of the Catholic Church.5

Serious Problem

With 85,000 to 100,000 Catholics marrying non-Catholics every year, the problem of mixed marriages is not to be taken lightly. Along with the Catholic Church, more and more Prot­estant Churches are recognizing the grave harm they cause. Officials of all Churches as well as marriage counselors of all faiths advise today's youth to marry their own kind. A mixed marriage is a marriage gamble. Very few end up winners for a lifetime.

Another Mixed-Marriage Problem

Another mixed-marriage problem that has blossomed with the increase of integration is racial intermarriage or miscegenation — the marriage of a white to a Negro. While the Church imposes no diriment or prohibitive impediment to such marriages, it does com­mand her ministers to respect the law regarding such unions. In several states such marriages are illegal. It may take several decades before society will give its complete approval. Prejudice has a way of living on. But an enlightened, educated society will some day establish interracial justice and overlook the color of skin as love does in marriage. For the fear of intermarriage is much like a ghost. It lacks substance and form. Two Christians no matter what their color receive the sacrament of Christian marriage when they marry, not a sacrament of interracial marriage.

SUGGESTIONS FOR READING

Can Mixed Marriages Be Happy?, Donald F. Miller, C.SS.R. (Liguori, Mo.: Liguorian Pamphlets, 1956), 29 pp.

If I Marry Outside My Religion, Algernon D. Black (New York: Public Affairs Pamphlet, 1954).

If You Marry Outside Your Faith, James A. Pike (New York: Harper & Brothers, 1954).

"I Love You But . . . ," by a Catholic husband and a Protestant wife, The Sign, 1952, 15 pp.

*LifeTogether, Wingfield Hope (New York: Sheed and Ward, 1943).

*One Marriage Two Faiths, James H. S. Bossard and Eleanor S. Boll (New York: The Ronald Press Co., 1957), 180 pp.

Program for Catholics in a Mixed Marriage, Donald F. Miller, C.SS.R.(Liguori, Mo.: The Liguorian Press, 1965), 22 pp.

The Race Question and the Negro, John LaFarge, S.J. (New York: Long­mans, Green & Co., 1944).

Shall IMarry a Catholic?, James A. Magner (Huntington, Ind.: Our Sun­day Visitor Press, 1946), 28 pp.

"What You Should Know About Mixed Marriage," Stan Frank Hamel, Ave Maria, Notre Dame, Ind., Vol. 84, November 24, 1956, pp. 8-13. (Can be purchased as a reprint.)

Why Marriages Go Wrong, James H. S. Bossard and Eleanor S. Boll (New York: The Ronald Press Co.).

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